Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
