omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
