Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
