i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
