So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
