At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
