If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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