I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
