The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
