see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
