i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
