Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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