then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
