her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
is it fun? or sober?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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