you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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