some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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