Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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