if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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