Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
