you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
