dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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