a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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