Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
