Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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