I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
