your thong is hanging out like whoa
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
