I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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