My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
