Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
