U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
