he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
