found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
