no, he came in my armpit
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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