I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
