Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
