I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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