$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
