when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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