Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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