So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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