In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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