Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
