Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
