normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
