The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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