whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
