my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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