I hate your face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
