i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
