please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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