Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
