"it" just moved
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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