He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
